He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My ass is underappreciated
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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