3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
