I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
