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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
