It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
