toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
