Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
