I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Shame - the story of my life.
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