I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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