if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
