I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
