Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
