he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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