No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
