just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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