peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
you will always have a special place in my vag
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
