So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
