I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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