dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
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