I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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