It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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