i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
