see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
