I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
