I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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