Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
