so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
