Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just pynch a tree in the face
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
