the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
