Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
