'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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