Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
