Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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