Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
