Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
