Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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