It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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