If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
