I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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