Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
