don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
