we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
