Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
