hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
