Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
