I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
