They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
