I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
