i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
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