I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
