So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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