This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I didn't notice because vodka
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
