It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
