God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
