She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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