omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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