Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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