ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
