Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
