Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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