Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
