He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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