I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
