You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
