she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
