It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Help me help you realize you are a moron
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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