: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
