I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
