Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
