did you get engaged???
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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