dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
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No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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