No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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