I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
