Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He better not be in your backpack
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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