You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
