Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
