omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
