I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
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