im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
