my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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