The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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